The faces around the locker room would have told you how much that game meant. One of my good friends who was a senior made his way over to my spot-not even trying to hold his tears-gave me a hug and told me the best thing i could do was win it the next year when i would be a senior.
I feel like the paragraph lacks emotion because of my word choice. This paragraph isn't supposed to give you a full idea of the story but rather set a tone.
Do you think I need to expand more on in order to create emotion?
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2 comments:
no i think it shows a very good emotion so keep it how it is
You basically hit the spot on what you need to fix, so just do that and everything will look great.
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